All my life people have set me 'pon a throne, so high above them that neither I nor them could act ourselves, could see each other as common men, travelers to the grave
My childhood was a farce, as thine was, and I was not allowed to be a child!
I was not allowed friends; only lords and knights and servants who looked to me for qualities I did not possess!
All around me I saw comradery blooming, that divine intimacy of two people knowing each other inside and out, and I craved that, I was jealous of that bond, yet whenever I tried to form it myself they all backed away, like a cuffed dog
And then I saw thee and thought
for once in my life
mayhap just this once, I could have someone who saw me as I truly was, not this crowned fool
For once, mayhap I could bear my heart to someone who might hear me out, as a brother
No one knows the loneliness there is upon pedestals; placed too high to see.
How can a man survive when no one can bear to look him in the eye?
And thou gave'st me hope, for in sooth thou saw not the crownonly the fool. I did not wish thee see a fool, for a fool I was not, yet still, thine indifference was so much warmer than that wretched humility all else presented me with
that I could not care
! I was so hungry for companionship that I looked past thy cold mask, because sometimes
sometimes I could see this face, this wondrous face beneath it ever so rarely like a month's second moon
and it made me feel, if for but a moment
that I was not so alone in this world
And I thought
if thou couldst see me, if just one person in this vast ocean could take my hand then my life could have purpose
And thenthen thou didst tear my heart out! Thou didst tear my heart out and thrust it before mine eyes and profess its foolishness!
Twas the cruelest trick e'er played upon a man, so starved for love, to throw him bitter scraps and kindle hope, only to dash it to pieces and leave him more broken than before
And for what? Revenge? Vengeance against someone who'd long fled this earth, whose only son was the last thing thou couldst take away from him?
I presented a side of myself to thee that no one else saw! I showed my true self, a night-blooming flower baring its soul before the face of the moonand thou
thou didst reject me wholly and crush me whilst I bore no armor!
then I was shattered, a hollow shell of a man. That last feeble spark of hope went out and turned to ash and was engulfed by the darkness, and I wondered what the point was, what the world had left to offer me
Thou didst take away my reason for living
All that time
thou'st looked in my eyes
thou didst ne'er see me
And I was left wond'ring
how could it be, that all those years, when thou wast gazing into my eyes and I was right there in front of theethou didst not see
I was the same as thee
I was just as lost and lonely and angry at the world for depriving me of simple joy, that inalienable need for the intimacy of another human being.
How could thou not see, as thou wast thrashing about in the waves of despair, that I was drowning right beside thee?
I felt the same pain, the same emptiness
I was the same
I am the same
I am thee. I am thee!
So canst thou look me in the eyes, now
? Canst thou stop looking at them long enough to look in them?
I am no stranger, no vain, foreign fool atop pillars of ivory, but a man, that same man thou seest e'ery day in thy reflection. So do not assert that we are strangers, that we know one another not; I know thee as well as thou knowest thyself, and if thou wouldst only see me, see me, thou wouldst know me.
look me in the eyes
just this once
If the sun must be hidden from us, then let us at least walk in the darkness together, side by side
because if I must be lost, then I want to be lost with thee
And maybe, where our hands meet, stars will shine